Riku vs. Ansem Transcript

It is a bright morning on the Destiny Islands.

Riku: (yawns, then gets up out of bed)

Riku puts on his bunny slippers and walks to the bathroom, discovering that Ansem, Seeker of Darkness, is on the toilet.

Riku & Ansem: Aaaaaaaah!

Riku: (closes the door) What the heck was that?

Ansem: (from the room) What do you mean "what" was that? 'Tis, I: Ansem, the Seeker of Darkness!

Riku: What- You? I thought you vanished into darkness oblivion!

Ansem: Well, it was pretty boring down there. So I just decided to, y'know, come back up the surface.

Riku: You can't do that! I - It...

Ansem: Well, if I couldn't do that, I wouldn't be in the bathroom right now, would I?

Riiku: Wait.. First of all, WHY are you in my house?!

Ansem: Eh, I thought it'd be the perfect place to crash.

Riku: Ansem, you ---!

Ansem: Hey, calm yourself. So, where's the folks?

Riku: I can't show my parents the heartless of a rogue scientist!

Ansem: Heh. I doubt they even know you're a keyblade master.

Riku: Well, they don't. But...

Ansem: Exactly. (flushes toilet) So how proud will they be when they find out their son saved the universe from ultimate destruction?

Riku: Well, it wasn't exactly me. Sora did most of it.

Ansem: (walks out of the bathroom) Yeah, but they don't know that.

Riku: I can't lie to my parents! Believe me, last time I did something bad, I ended up controlled by you.

Ansem: Yeah. Wasn't that fun?

Riku: You made me fight my best friend! I oughta snuff you that!

Ansem: (sarcastically) Oh no. I'm so scared of a teenager! I'm gonna die.

Riku: (summons Keyblade) Draw your weapon!

Ansem: Aw dang, you were actually serious. Man, Ri, you gotta learn to take a joke. (pats Riku on back)

Riku: (points keyblade at Ansem)

Ansem: Eeh... That's your problem. You keep living in the past. Listen here, I'm not gonna beat you up or control you anymore. What's done is done. We can be the best of pals!

Riku: (gives Ansem a dirty look)

Ansem: Ugh. *face palm* Okay, kid. Let's make this quick, okay? I'm not like Luxord, I can't control time now. But we have to put the bad times aside.

Riku: That's what I thought back in Castle Oblivion. But see how that worked out?

Ansem: Bleh. Okay? Bleh. I've had enough of you Riku. I tried to make things all right and dandy, but you INSIST on being a grump, so I'll just ---